The Weight of Wait

I am a recovering control freak.

In the past, the trials that have stymied me the most always involved waiting. There was the Wait of '94 when Gregory was at Officer Training School. Could he pass Vigilant Warrior to graduate as a 2nd Lt.? The Second Wait of '94 featured almost a year (interrupted by the other Wait) of expecting to be expecting. Then there was the Great Wait of '98, while we sought a discharge from the Air Force and a job back home. The Wait of '03 tested my patience and my sanity during a house-building venture.

Today, I am able to report that the most recent Wait has ended. Gregory has received an invitation to Candidacy in the Diaconate Formation Program. It many not seem like much to some, but to us, this invitation unveils an entirely new path for our future. My husband will quite likely be a clergyman in three years; an ordained minister of the Church.

It has been about 20 months since this wait began. Although there were moments of frustration, this trial had a decidedly different feel to it. I prayed constantly for a resolution, but I found that my request was truly for God's will to be done, and for it to be done when He thought best. I wanted Gregory to continue in the program, but not at any expense. Not if God had a different plan in mind.

In Waits Past, I had an agenda. I wanted a certain result, and according to a self-prescribed time table. I was not above setting deadlines for God! I realize now that my problem wasn't waiting as much as it was controlling. I don't believe that I trusted God enough to leave the details to His care.

Now...I have learned enough along the way to avoid saying that I am cured of control freakism completely. I'm sure some flare-ups lurk ahead. But, thanks be to God,

I am a recovering control freak.